Managing Conflict with The Kincaids
Managing conflict isn’t always easy. If you are like some, it can be hard navigating relationships if you did not grow up in an environment with sound conflict resolutions skills portrayed in your family or other close relationships. One of our goals at RBL is to share tools, tips, and resources that aid in healthy relationships even if they were never modeled. Today, we connect with the Kincaids, Maya and Brian who have been married for two years, to highlight their top conflict resolution skills for success in their relationship.
Determine what the real conflict is. Often we are upset about one things and reacting to another. So keeping a true sight on what is truly bothering you helps a lot in deescalating unnecessary disputes.
We have what is called “The Friend Hat” where we warn the other person that we are about to abate our role as husband/wife and speak strictly as a platonic friend would. We all know sometimes our friends can be raw and real with us without us being overly sensitive or offended. A lot of times we forget our partners are supposed to be our closest friend. While you may not like to agree with their standpoint you may need to hear it.
Try very hard to listen to understand rather than listening to respond or to be “right”. Release the idea that there is ever a “winner” of an argument or disagreement. You and your partner are a team with opposing ideals on how to win together sometimes. Both perspectives are valid, and often that gets difficult to navigate; but try to always keep it in mind.
Never cross certain lines when disagreeing. We choose to NEVER insult one another. No name calling, or harsh adjectives. No demeaning comments or low blows. Most of the time whatever you’re on edge about isn’t even THAT serious. And if it is you should probably walk away and revisit it later.
This is our first post and on the RBL outlet and we are grateful to have such amazing content in store for black women and men on how to navigate healthy relationships and build legacies of love. Thank you Maya and Brian for your insight and wisdom. Wishing you many more years of love and togetherness.